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Rap Videos We Never Want to See Again

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Source @MsRiverCity.com

Khaled’s “Win” Remix Video was Flashy & Fun! (But had no point whatsoever) – Miami 2010

Music videos suck. Not sure if it’s my lack of interest, or an onset of adult A.D.D., but sitting through stereotypical rap visuals is becoming unbearable. I’m expected to watch hundreds of these things weekly, with thorough knowledge & appreciation for the music genre in which I chose a career. But honestly, I don’t watch half the videos I post, and the ones I do play only get about 30 seconds of my attention before my eye is caught by the Maury Show or whatever else happens to be more interesting than a $50 budget “musical documentary.” I honestly think some of y’all hired the Blair Witch Project crew to direct your videos.

Y’all don’t even film these things in studios anymore. Back in the day video shoots used to be a big deal, with buffets and liquor, makeup artists and wardrobe fittings. There were multiple set locations for scenes 1, 2, and 3. I bet some of these newbies don’t even know what a storyboard is, much less a dressing room. Nowadays an artist is lucky if he gets a backseat to change clothes in. And the result of this thrifty film making is cheap, corny videos.

Virals are cool here and there, but make something big screen worthy sometimes. We notice the diminished quality guys, and we’re tired of seeing this:

The Whole Video is in the Strip Club
Sex will always sell, and men will never get tired of booty twerking. But anybody can throw bills at a naked stripper in a gentlemen’s club. It’s a typical Friday night for the average Joe, and the average Joe don’t wanna watch you do what he can do. Do you have the skills to get these women out of the shake joint? Do you have game to get regular women bare assed in public? Show us something more challenging – like busting it open in the grocery store, or maybe a dentist office. Perhaps give these smuts a little dignity and depict them as creatures of intelligence while naked in a library, reading.

Naked ladies on a train, cool. Naked ladies on an exotic island, sweet. Naked ladies in a strip club? Snooze.

Gibbs Don’t Even Spend $5. SMH

Pool Parties
And nobody is swimming. I’m just saying. Put on some floaty wings and do a backstroke.

Parking Lot Full of Cars with Nowhere to Go
We still want to see your rides, but Texas killed the concept of standing around staring at automobiles in a parking lot with no purpose. Or driving around in a circle 14 times while chanting a 3-word chorus over and over. Can you at least do something cool with the cars, like crash and smash? Or take apart the engine? I don’t know, I just can’t watch 3-4 minutes of nut grabbing next to a rented Dodge Charger. Help me out.

My Homeboy Is the Director/Camera Man/Editor
I can make better videos with a razor flip-phone. Does your dude have Parkinson’s disease or something? A $5,000 camera does not a cameraman make.

Lighting? Who Needs Lighting?
Even if we are intrigued by you popping bottles [1 bottle per table of 8 dudes] with a crew of ratchets you found at Family Dollar, we can’t see you through the haze of shadows and weed smoke. What are y’all doing in that poorly lit VIP room? Must be something gay, why else wouldn’t you want us to see?

I Don’t Feel Like Leaving the House Today, At All
If I see one more Chief Keef video filmed in somebody’s HUD home. So what if he was on house arrest – damn, at least call some girls over and get a slip-n-slide in the back yard. Girls! That’s that shit I don’t like. I think I even saw a roach make a cameo in one of his videos. RAID! That’s that shit I don’t like.

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