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What Did My Kid Say?

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Let’s just face it—kids are way funnier than us. The best part? They don’t even know it! Several moms (and one dad!) have graciously shared some of their favorite things that their children have said. If you need a good chuckle, continue reading.



            Being a toddler teacher by day, I had to get in on the fun of hilarious kid stories, so I would like to share one of my favorite experiences with a kid:

            One of my toddler boys was sitting next to me as we read a book. He put his hand on my leg and rubbed it. Then, in all seriousness, he looked at me and said, “Ri got a haircut?” Obviously I need to keep my legs at a constant state of silky smooth or toddlers take notice.

            Thanks to everyone who contributed their funny kid quotes! I had such a large contribution that I handpicked some of my favorites. Read and laugh!


C: I’m watching The Hearing of Dancing!!

Me: Buddy, you mean The Sound of Music.

C: Yeah, that!!

  –Lindsey, mother of 2


E- Momma, I know what God’s middle name is.

Me- God doesn’t have a middle name baby.

E- Yes he does, Momma. I know He does and I know what it is.

Me- (me giving in) Ok, ok. God has a middle name. It’s Jesus.

E- No Momma. It’s not. Him’s middle name is damnit.          Leslie, mother of 3


When my 5 year old forgot to grab the iPad before we went to the store, I said forget it, we’re going without it because back in my day we didn’t have iPads and iPhones. And his response? “Oh my gosh, how did you live?”—Julia, nanny


Sophia likes ring around the rosy but hasn’t mastered her “sh” sound yet, so it’s more like… “Asses, asses, we all fall down”… Rachel, mother of 2


Ethan on his biological father coming to pick him up: “Let me see if that d-bag is here yet.” True story. Ashley, mother of 2


I took the children to the doctor as Kyle was having some issues with his bowels.  When we got to the check in window, I told him to tell the receptionist your name.  He says, “I’m Kyle Galvin, I need my butt fixed.”—Melanie, mother of 3


I went in to wake my sleeping daughter, and decided to play a trick and pinch her nose. Without moving, she opened her eyes and said “You tried to kill me.” –Johnny, father of 2


When Clayton was a baby I would give him a bath in the kitchen sink. As most babies do, he would laugh and giggle and kick! One day, Caleb saw him kicking at my tummy and immediately said “Uh, Mom…I think he’s trying to get back in your belly!!”Joie, mother of 3


Me: Lilly, put long socks on, you’re wearing your snow boots today.

Ten minutes later with boots and short socks on….

Lilly: Mom, my socks keep falling down.

Me: I told you to put long socks on.

Lilly: I’m sorry. I shoulda listened to you. I just don’t have it together today.  —Alyssa, mother of 1


Just this evening at supper Kyle (age 6) told me he didn’t want to eat what I was serving. Alex (age 4) said “That’s fine, shoot yourself.” I paused and replied, “Um, what did you say?” Alex: “I told him if he didn’t like it that’s fine, shoot yourself, you don’t have to eat it.” At that point the light bulb went off, and we practiced saying “suit yourself,” not “shoot yourself.” –Melanie, mother of 3


My child said, ” Mom, if I catch the tooth fairy, can we put her in a cage and feed her?” Lori, mother of 3


Be sure to check out this hilarious parody video: What Does The Kid Say?

Riley McDaniel is an aspiring writer with a love for children, writing, music, and movies. She has her BFA degree in Creative Writing for Entertainment from Full Sail University and hopes to use her work to instill a love of reading and writing in others. Though she has a passion for writing, her passion for chocolate is almost just as strong.