If what you look for in a good television show includes murder, incest, torture, and the like, then:
1. You shouldn’t advertise that those are your show standards. Keep that crap to yourself.
2. You’re obviously a nut job and should seek some help.
3. Game of Thrones will be your all-time favorite show.
Game of Thrones airs on HBO Sunday nights. If you’re like me and do not desire to pay for such television programming, you can wait until the seasons are released on Blu-Ray/DVD. Or you could pirate the show on the Internet like everyone else. Which is OBVIOUSLY A TERRIBLE THING AND YOU SHOULD NEVER DO IT!
Though the fourth—and BRUTAL—season ended on June 15th, you have plenty of time to get caught up before the fifth season returns in 2015. That’s right. TWO-THOUSAND AND FIFTEEN. You could also read the books that the show is based on, by George R.R. Martin.
If you have a hankering to watch this show, you need to be prepared. Here is a Game of Thrones Viewing Survival Guide.
1. Watch the show for the beginning titles/soundtrack
If you are not quite hooked on the show by the end of the first season, for the love of God just keep watching. The beginning title and the soundtrack are reason enough to watch it. Besides, as you get further into the show, these two aspects of the show will more than likely be the only happiness to which you can cling.
2. Don’t get too attached to a character
If you have a favorite character—well, JUST DON’T. That darn George R.R. Martin and the people behind Game of Thrones don’t give a crap about your feelings and they WILL kill off beloved characters. And I can guarantee you that they won’t die of old age. Best to keep your heart out of it.
3. Hate Joffrey or be hated
If you don’t hate Joffrey from the moment he first appears on screen, then feel free to stab yourself in the eye. You’ll do us all a justice.
My two favorite characters beating up Joffrey. It makes my heart happy.
4. Don’t watch it with your mother
The amount of nudity in this show is—and I mean this in the least sexual way—impressive. It’s as if the director’s were watching every scene play out and thought, “Hmm, something is missing. WE NEED PEOPLE HAVING SEX IN THE BACKGROUND!” And that happens way more than it should. AND YOU SEE EVERYTHING. So unless you enjoy the awkwardness that is watching sex scenes with your mother/father/people in general, then please, make it a family occasion. Otherwise, watch the show on your own and keep your poor mother out of it.
5. Don’t eat while viewing an episode
Unless your stomach is made of ironclad steel, don’t eat. Especially anything that resembles blood/brains/intestines/et cetera.
6. If you couldn’t even stomach Season One…
…it would be best to turn back now, while you still can. Season One is a child’s playground compared to what happens in the following three seasons. You don’t even know what you’re about to encounter.
Good luck and find a support group after watching the show. You’ll need it, trust me.
You can watch the show anytime from the HBOgo app.Google+