Unless you glow with the power of a thousand suns every time you step outside, you most likely cannot understand or empathize the struggles that come with being pale. There are pros and cons to being transparent, but let’s be real, the cons dominate and put all the pros to shame. Despite all the cons that come with having near-albino skin, I proudly display my pale skin for all to see—but you’ll have to wear sunglasses so that I don’t blind you in the sunlight.
1. The sun is my enemy.
Every time I step outside, I run the risk of getting gloriously sunburned.
Sun + pale people + no sunscreen (or not strong enough SPF) = LOBSTERFEST
And I’m not talking about the Lobsterfest at Red Lobster. Sunscreen is like water for pale people—we need it to survive. Anything lower than 50 SPF is a joke.
Attention: If you’re pale, please embrace it. Don’t try in vain to get a tan from the sun or a tanning bed. You’ll only get skin cancer. THE MORE YOU KNOW.
2. People always think you’re sick.
I can’t tell you how many times in my life people have asked if I’m feeling okay because I “look a little pale.” Every time I just sigh and say, “No, this is just how I look.”
3. No matter how fit I am, I will never look like I belong on a beach.
4. Your skin gives everything away.
Pale skin makes it hard to hide anything—blemishes, veins, embarrassment, and scars. One pimple on your porcelain skin and it’s like there’s a neon sign pointing at your face screaming, “LOOK! I HAVE A ZIT! LOOK HERE!” And don’t even get me started on being embarrassed. If I even have a hint of a blush, it’s as if the heat is radiating from my now beet-red face…and everyone notices. Oh, and veins? It’s like my body is a freaking road map.
Pro: Easy to see veins makes it that much easier for doctors and nurses to poke you with needles. SCORE.
BONUS: If you have tattoos, they are far more prominent on your super white skin.
5. Annoying nicknames
Pasty, albino, clear, Casper, I’ve heard them all. Or my favorite nickname that my fiancé came up with: “his little solar reflector.” He’s so lucky I love him.
6. You blend into white walls.
No joke. And sometimes I’m whiter than stark white walls.
Pro: Hide and seek is so easy for you…unless you’re in the dark and are glowing like a full moon.
7. Makeup never matches your skin tone
No matter how hard you try, makeup only makes you look orange. It’s awesome, really.
8. Tanning is out of the question
People always say to me, “You’re so white. Why don’t you tan?”
Gah. If any pale person attempts a tan, we either come out looking like an oompa loompa or just look like we’ve been rolling around in the dirt. Tanning is just not in the cards for us.
Pro: Sure, I have to lather on sunscreen any time I step outside, but that means I won’t get skin cancer or look like a bag of wrinkles when I’m 30. Which means I save a crap ton of money by not tanning OR paying for skin cancer removal, so ha!
While being pale comes with its fair share of struggles, I am proud of my pale skin. So watch out, people, summer is coming and that means my reflective white legs are coming out too. Best put on those shades.Google+