I have finally hopped onto the zombie craze train and began watching The Walking Dead. And by watching, I mean I watched the majority of the first three seasons while being snowed in and fell deeply in love with Daryl Dixon (Norman Reedus in reality. You moms know what I’m talking about.) It wasn’t until I immersed myself in the fictional zombie apocalypse that I realized the truth about children: they’re just cute zombies.
Let’s back up a little bit. Having been a toddler teacher going on five years, I have had my fair share of experiences with little ones. There’s a little game the kids like to play—I call it the “I got your nose” game, which involves a youngster “taking” your nose and eating it. A rather innocent game–that is until you’ve watched hours of zombie attacks and massacres. With the image of zombies fresh in my mind after a marathon of The Walking Dead, my job became much more interesting…and terrifying.
I was helping out in the preschool room one afternoon when one of the kids “stole” my nose and “ate” it. When I asked for it back, he refused and attacked me once again, stealing and eating my nose—which apparently has regenerative capabilities. Before I knew what was happening, six preschoolers were surrounding me. Each was taking turns “eating” my nose, but they quickly grew bored of that and moved on to other areas. At first it was cute because they were just hugging me and eating my nose, but once one preschooler announced, “I’m gonna eat your SHOULDER!!!!” the cuteness was gone and the terror set in. I was soon devoid of my cheeks, shoulders, mouth, eyes, ears, nose (for the twentieth time), hair, neck, stomach, feet, arms, and legs. The creepiness factor escalated as I heard one preschooler whisper, “Attack her…”
Only being left with a butt and a chest, I sat there a little shocked at the imaginary massacre that had just occurred. That’s when it hit me: I was living in The Walking Dead, only with cuter zombies. Sure, zombies and kids are different in that kids are able to talk and run, but that’s where the differences stop. Kids would much rather eat your nose than their lunch. And your nose is a zombie’s lunch. See what I mean?
Don’t let that cuteness fool you. While kids look all innocent and doe-eyed like this:
They’ll no sooner “rip off” your arm and look like this:
Kids are just cute, really smart, fast zombies. We’re living in the zombie apocalypse now, people. Just a really, really cute zombie apocalypse. Keep those noses safe.
The Walking Dead returns February 9th on AMC!Google+