We all know about Justin Bieber. If you haven’t heard of the Biebs—or aren’t a Belieber or suffering from the intolerable Bieber fever—then you’re obviously living under a rock. (Can I please join you under that rock?)
Here are a few things that this boyish pop star has taught me about life:
1. Always wear a shirt or risk being slapped in the face.
Okay, so the whole LA Clippers’ Blake Griffin encounter with the Biebs apparently didn’t happen, but didn’t it seem like it was completely possible? Basically, just don’t be rude—or semi-nude.
2. Don’t make hasty decisions when it comes to cutting your hair.
Take advantage of the virtual haircut app that allows you to virtually try on different hairstyles, that way I avoid looking like the opposite sex…or just looking like Hilary Swank in Boys Don’t Cry.
Don’t tell me you can’t see the resemblance.
3. Some people hit their prime at 16.
Let’s be honest, he was better when we all thought he sounded like a little girl.
4. Spitting on people is the mature way to handle all kinds of situations.
Like dealing with neighbors or adoring fans.
**Bieber claims he wasn’t spitting on fans, but I just don’t believe that boyish face of his.
5. I should be carried around everywhere like royalty.
6. Making out with mannequins is completely encouraged…and requires tongue.