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Dear A&F: You Stink

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theimpersonals.com

Dear Abercrombie & Fitch,

You stink. Quite literally. Every time I walk by your doors, your odor overwhelms my senses and initiates a headache so terrible that it’s as if my skull will crack open.

Why do you feel the need to dump cases of cologne in your store? Exactly what is your goal here? To weed out the weak-sinused people? WHO EVEN SHOPS IN YOUR STORES? Do they all lack the ability to smell? And what about your employees? If gas masks aren’t part of the employee dress code, then surely there must be a fresh oxygen room in the back.

What is it with you, A&F? Do you believe that in order to be “cool” you must have the aroma of 1000 musky men? Perhaps you’re targeting the “smelly” kids—the ones who clearly need help in the hygiene department. If so, you’re doing a great job because your stink could mask the body odor of twelve boys locker rooms.

Until you either tone down the smell factor or begin to graciously hand out breathing masks and aspirin, I will not shop in your store. Actually, let’s be honest—I still wouldn’t shop in your store. You’re just not my style.

                                                                                    Thanks for the cleared sinuses,

Riley

Riley McDaniel is an aspiring writer with a love for children, writing, music, and movies. She has her BFA degree in Creative Writing for Entertainment from Full Sail University and hopes to use her work to instill a love of reading and writing in others. Though she has a passion for writing, her passion for chocolate is almost just as strong.