St. Patrick’s Day is here and I know what you’re all thinking: Man, I wish I were Irish!
Who doesn’t? Hello, we have our own holiday. Not everyone gets their own day to celebrate their heritage.
1. You can wear a “Kiss me, I’m Irish” shirt and not feel like a liar.
Or go ahead and buy this shirt.
2. Your appreciation for potatoes is far deeper than that of the non-Irish.
The same goes for all Irish food…and most likely alcohol. And Celtic dancing. And the clothing!
3. You can get Celtic tattoos and not be a poser.
4. Your pallor is accepted when all you say is, “I’m Irish.”
And you fully understand the struggles of being pale. But not all people are pale or redheaded, lucky ducks.
5. When it’s St. Patrick’s Day and everyone pretends to be Irish for a day, you can proudly say you’re Irish every day.
So suck it.
6. Celebrating St. Patrick’s Day brings with it many opportunities for traditions.
Like setting leprechaun traps if you have kids. But don’t watch the movie called Leprechaun. Ever.
7. You have inherited the legal power of assaulting people if they do not wear green on your holiday.
And by “assault” I mean pinch, and by “legal power” I mean your Irish duty. Sure, you can pinch people if you’re not Irish, but it’s so much cooler if you are Irish.
You know you want to be Irish. It’s just a darn shame you can’t be.Google+